When I Get Home, You're So Dead
by ChloeCanFlyy
Summary: Bella's husband signs them up for a reality show, Wife Swap. She doesn't want to go, that is until she meets her new husband. My first story. All Human.
1. Cross Your Fingers

**Thank you everyone for sticking with me throughout this mess.**

**If you didn't read the update before i deleted it. I am rewriting this story.**

**I'd like to say i wrote my longest chapter (3000+ words) without the use of a k or a comma button. I had to copy and paste them in later. I apologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes.**

**Sorry for the wait!**

**Enjoy.**

**xx**

* * *

Desperate minds mean desperate measures

We've gotta get this one together

You're young and in love, that should be enough

_**~ Playing the Blame Game – You Me At Six.**_

* * *

I was sitting in my back garden, staring into the sky, thinking. I had the day off from work today and I've spent most of it soaking up the suns rays.

You see, I live in Forks, Washington. The rainiest place in the whole of America. Why am I here? My parents divorced when I was little. I stayed with my mum in Phoenix, Arizona. When I was 16, I moved here to stay with my father, Charlie. My mother spent weeks convincing me not to go, but I couldn't put up with all the love radiating between her and my stepfather, Phil. So, I moved in with my father, who happened to be chief of Police of the tiny town. I had planned to leave as soon I had finished school but that plan was destroyed when I met Mike. Sure, I love Mike, but sometimes I wish for more.

Mike Newton is my husband. He is 22, just a year older than me. His parents owned the local sporting goods store, which was given to him for his 21st birthday. It is a thriving business, which helped us pay for our rather large house. He has blonde hair which is always neat and bright, blue eyes. He has a cute, baby face. He is taller than me by a good couple of inches. I'm only 5"4. I met Mike my first day at Forks high school. He welcomed me as soon as I got into the actual building, asking if I would like to sit with him and his friends for lunch. I agreed, not liking the idea of eating by myself. Our relationship progressed from there. After a few years dating, he asked me to marry him. We were sitting in Bella Italia our favourite restaurant, when he suddenly got down on one knee. I was so surprised, I started crying and of course agreed. We got married a few months after that. It was a comfortable wedding, nothing too extravagant. I definitely did not want a huge event!

I'm rather shy, yeah, bet you didn't see that coming. I'm also, plain, boring and pretty average looking. I have brown eyes and dull, brown hair. I love to read, mainly the classics. I also, have a huge obsession with Tim Burton. Yeah, another surprise there, right?

I'm not outgoing in any way, I prefer home comforts to well, pretty much anything.

As I way saying, I had the day off of work. I'm a waitress at a local café. I looked at my watch and saw it was 4 o'clock. Mike would be home soon, he finished early today. I decided to walk round for a bit as I'd been sat down for the majority of the day. As soon as I stood, I heard someone shouting. It was getting louder.

"Bella! You won't believe this!" I heard Mike yelling.

I turned towards him, smiling.

"Welcome home." I said when he was near.

"Thanks, guess what?"

"Um, I don't know. What?"

"Well, you know that program, Wife Swap?" I didn't have a good feeling about this.

"Yeah..." I said, urging for him to continue.

"I signed us up for the show!" He blurted out with a huge grin on his face, while my smile quickly faded.

"You what?"

"I. Signed. Us. Up. For. Wife. Swap." He said slowly, exaggerating every word.

"Why would you do that?"

"I thought it would be a good idea, a way to spice up our marriage." he said, with a wink.

"Why didn't you ask me first?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise. Don't you want to do it?"

"I don't know. I don't understand why you want to do this."

"It'll be fun and you might make some new friends. God knows you need some now Alice is gone." he said jokingly.

"Hey that's not fair!" I said with a frown.

"Yeah yeah. Your going and you'll enjoy it, okay?"

"Sure, whatever." I said, walking into the house.

* * *

Today is the day. The day I go live with a stranger for two weeks. Mike is standing next to me in the living room, a smile on his lips. How can he be smiling at a time like this?

"Aren't you worried?" I asked him.

"Not really, are you?"

"I wouldn't say worried, more like scared. What if he doesn't like me?"

"Bella, are you seriously asking that? Of course he'll like you." He said holding my face in his hands.

"I hope so. I don't want to spend the whole time arguing. I just want this to be an experience I'll never forget."

"There's the spirit!" Mike said while smiling at me.

"Just remember what an amazing woman you are. He won't be able to resist, but he better."

"Okay." I said with a nervous laugh.

"I'll miss you everyday, baby."

"I'll miss you too." I said, pulling him into a hug. He hugged me back, placing a kiss on my forehead.

A shiny black limo showed up outside out house. I took a deep breath and stood up grabbing my suitcase and walking to the door. The limo door opened to reveal the driver. He looked friendly enough. He looked smart wearing a crisp black suit and a matching hat. His hair was black with the odd strand of grey peeking through. He walked towards the back of the limo and opened the door for me.

Mike walked me to the limo. I gave his one last kiss and good bye. Leaving my suitcase on the pavement, I climbed into the limo. The driver shutting the door behind me. Without looking around I immediately opened the window. Mike stood there waving at me. The driver put my suitcase in the boot, then went back to the front of the limo and got in and started it up.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Mike shouted out to me with a wink.

"Have fun while you can. When I get home, you're so dead."

He chose to ignore that comment and shouted out he loved me and he would see me soon. The driver started to drive away slowly. I closed the window and finally took in my surroundings. The limo was very expensive looking. Everything was either black or chrome. It looked very sleek. There was a cabinet towards the middle of the limo. I slid along the seats till I was in front of it and carefully opened the doors. Inside were many wine glasses and a large range of different wines and even a bottle of champagne. I decided to have a glass of what I knew. Grabbing a bottle of Blossom Hill and a glass I closed the door and slid back to where I was sitting before. I poured myself a glass and leaned back.

The limo ride was extremely relaxing, especially since I was freaking out about this for the past week. I spent most of the journey leaning back and staring out of the closed window. They were blacked out**,** but I could still see where I was.

After a reasonable amount of time the driver informed me we were close to my new home. This was when the nerves finally started up. I'd been told that my 'husband' would be at work when I get there leaving me time to have a quick snoop around before I meet him. I was thankful for this it gave me a chance to find out a little bit about him so I wasn't fully thrown to the lions.

After another couple of minutes, the limo came to a stop. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just sat there. The driver opened the door for me and welcomed me to my new home. He, then grabbed my suitcase from the boot and handed it to me, along with a house key. I took a deep breath and started my descent towards the house. It was beautiful. It was a large, villa style house, painted a warm, cream colour. The front window was large enough, to give me a peak into the front room. It looked clean, that was for sure. I was now at the front door. I held the key so firmly, I was worried it might snap. Trying to clam myself down, I put the key in the lock and opened the door to my new home.

To call this place home, seemed odd. It looked nothing like my home. Sure it was a beautiful house, but I was used to an organised clutter.

I stepped into the hallway which was a pale, blue colour. It was calming which was exactly what I needed at that moment. I dragged my suitcase through and left it by the staircase. While doing this I saw some photographs on the wall. One of them was of the ocean, there was a small, sailing boat in the middle. It was a simple but beautiful picture. Next to it was a picture of some bluebells. I loved flowers and this photo fitted in perfect with the colour scheme used. The final picture was of the sky. There were random clouds scatter throughout the image. All the photographs seemed to reflect a feminine touch. I guess the wife decorated the house.

I placed the house key on the table near the front door and went towards the first closed door I saw. Opening it, I saw a subtle green room. The first thing I saw was a large mirror hanging up on the other side of the room. There was a large LCD TV in the corner and a matching sofa on the opposite side of the room. There was also a large glass cabinet which held some ornaments in a different corner. The ornaments were all in miniature and all looked to belong to the same collection. I think they belonged to the wife.

I decided to explore some more so I went back into the hallway and opened the next closed door I saw. It went into what I'd expect to be a study. It had a desk which wrapped around half of the room. It looked very modern. There was a computer in the far corner along with a large office chair. Paperwork was scattered everywhere. For some reason I felt this room was mainly for the husband. It had a large and what seems to be overflowing filing cabinet near the end of the desk There was also a printer near the computer. On the opposite side to desk was a large CD rack. It was huge! It reached from the very bottom of the floor to the ceiling filled with all sorts ranging from classical to death metal to indie. Next to the CD rack was smaller but still large DVD rack It was filled with so many titles some I had never even heard of.

Once I was finished nosing through all the CDs and DVDs, I left closing the door behind me. For some reason that room seemed rather private. I carried on looking around following the hallway up towards an open area kitchen and dining room. The kitchen looked newly renovated and was gleaming. I could not wait to try it out! Would I even get a chance to?

The dining room was equally as beautiful as the rest of the house. The dining set was a deep mahogany colour with glass table mats. There was a tradition chandelier hanging above the large table. There was another cabinet near the window nearer the front of the house. It was full of expensive glasses and alcohol. Along with extra placing mats.

I decided to check out upstairs. Grabbing my suitcase I walked upstairs. I set the case near the top of the stairs as I wasn't sure which room was mine. At the very top of the stairs was a bathroom with a large vanity area and bath tub. There was also a shower on the opposite side.

Leaving the bathroom I opened a door to one of the bedrooms. It was a large room painted a pale pink. There was a double bed placed in the centre with bedside tables on either side. The duvet on the bed was also pink only a shade darker. There was also a door which led to a walk in wardrobe. Above the bed there was a photograph of a sunset. There was an en suite which had a shower toilet and sink in it. Along with a small mirror. There was another door which was locked much to my dismay.

I left the pink bedroom and was back on the landing. I went to the other side and found another door leading to a different bedroom. This one was a pale yellow colour. There was a single bed pressed against the wall. This bed also had a bedside table which was holding a lamp. There was another walk in wardrobe as well I guessed this was my bedroom. I decided to leave my suitcase nearby in case I guessed right.

I thought they normally left a manual? Maybe I missed it. I went downstairs to look for the book. It was placed in plain view in the kitchen I grabbed it and sat at the island.

_Dear Isabella,_

_Welcome to our home. I'm Tanya and I'm married to Edward Cullen. He will be your husband for these two weeks. Just clearing that up._

_Edward is a lovely man. He is a doctor at the local hospital. He is a kind, caring man who puts everyone else needs before his own. I am very lucky to have him and for these couple of weeks you will discover this, hopefully._

_To write this manual is a very difficult thing to do. This is because as a couple we do not have a routine to abide by. We do what we want whenever. We like to keep the house clean however, you may have noticed this by now._

_The room you will be sleeping in is the yellow room with the single bed. I apologise for the bed. We wanted to put a double in it but discovered it is a small room. You are welcome to use the wardrobe. The bathroom at the top of the stairs is free for you to use as well. Edward rarely uses it. _

_As you may of found out by now there is a locked door in the room with a double bed. This room has Edwards pride and joy in. His baby grand piano. You may be lucky enough to hear him play but if not don't be upset. He may have a lot of talent but he is extremely shy when it comes to his music. _

_Edward works from 8am to 4pm. Normally when he gets home he will shower, change and come down for dinner. You will need to cook dinner for him. You can cook anything you would like. To give you some ideas Edward likes his steak, blue. There should be some steak in the freezer, make sure to defrost them first._

_During the time Edward is at work, you are free to do as you please. I do not work There are films and some books to occupy your time in the study. Make sure not to move any paperwork in that room. Edward says its an organised mess, which really means give him 10 minutes and he'll find what he's looking for._

_There is also some money in the kitchen which is for you to use to shop and explore with. Every Friday you will need to restock the fridge and freezer. You can do this before but it has to be done before Friday. Otherwise Edward complains that the fridge is too bare. _

_Every Wednesday Edwards sister pays a visit. Edward should introduce you. She normally stays for dinner. Sometimes her husband comes with her. _

_Edward has the weekends off work During this time we normally go out. If not we stay in but either way we spend it together. This time would be a good chance to get to know him for the next week. _

_In the second week you are aloud to change the rules into your favor, but considering there are not many rules to abide by I don't think this will be necessary, but if you feel the need for a change.._

_Edward normally does all the housework after work This is not everyday though. Just the odd days that he feels like it, he will clean before the house looks to untidy though. If you would like to help him during this time feel free. He likes some company while doing this even if you were just talking to him._

_Some days Edward is down. This could be either from stress from the hospital or he lost a patient. If he becomes like this tell him you are there for him and try to comfort him. If none of this work make cookies. Edward has a love of chocolate chip cookies. They normally cheer him up straight away. After eating the cookies he normally plays his piano and doesn't appear until morning._

_You have no times to be up or to go to bed but it would be nice if you could be up before Edward leaves. It would be especially nice if you made his morning coffee this normally puts him in a good mood for the day. He takes his coffee with milk and 2 sugars. _

_I hope you enjoy staying here._

_-Tanya._

_P.S. Emergency numbers are on the fridge._

Well this is a lot different from being home. I'm normally the one doing all the cleaning and what's with the not working? I decided to reread the manual in the living room to make sure I got everything memorised. I went into the living room and sat on the sofa.

After I had reread it a few times I set it down on table at the end of the sofa. I knew everything from the manual. I looked at the clock and saw that in 10 minutes Edward would be home.

My heart started racing. I know how to act but what if I say something wrong? I couldn't bear to be shouted at_,_ it would be too embarrassing

I heard the jingling of keys. Looking up at the clock again_,_ I saw he was home early.

The door opened and I saw my 'husband' for the first time.

* * *

** So this is the first rewritten chapter.**

**Tell me what you think? Much appreciated.**

**:)**


	2. Welcome Home

**I am so sorry for the delay!**

**I fixed my laptop over a month ago but between writers block and exams i didn't write anything.**

**You guys know the drill. No k or comma button. No beta. Lots of mistakes.**

**I went back to the first chapter i fixed a few mistakes. However some still may be there. If you find any which really annoy you. Please let me know :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

And your smile says you've got it together,

But your eyes are telling me it's not true.

So every weekend when you're living, singing "life is short"

You better think again 'cause growing up's the longest haul.

**~ The Scientist – The Ready Set**

* * *

_My heart started racing. I know how to act but what if I say something wrong? I couldn't bear to be shouted at, it would be too embarrassing_

_I heard the jingling of keys. Looking up at the clock again, I saw he was home early._

_The door opened and I saw my 'husband' for the first time._

* * *

"I can do this. I can do this." I chanted in my head. My nerves were so bad, I was shaking. What the hell was I thinking? I mentally shake my head, to clear the bad thoughts.

I hear the door close. It silent, but not for long. I hear the door open to the room which I am in. I stand to greet the man.

He towered over my 5"4 frame, he looked to be about 6"2. His hair an unusual copper colour, just like a penny. It stuck in all directions, like he constantly ran his fingers through the strands. He was wearing light blue scrubs with white trainers. The shirt showed a hint of the toned muscle hidden beneath. Then I looked at his face, his brilliant, green orbs were shining with kindness. He was beautiful and perfect. He had high cheekbones, a straight nose and full, rose coloured lips. He had a strong jawline, I kept following with my eyes.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen." He said in a velvet voice. He was smiling, the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen. He held his hand out for me to shake.

"I-I'm Bella." I stuttered, blushing.

I reached out to shake his hand and I felt an electric current run through my arm. That's not normal, is it?

"So, where are you from?" He asked, genuinely interested.

"Not that far from here actually, Forks."

"Oh, that tiny town near Port Angeles?"

"That's the one." I said with a small laugh.

I sighed with relief, he actually seemed normal.

"What's wrong?" He asked when he heard me sigh.

"Oh nothing, I'm just glad I'm not stuck with someone with multiple body piercing, tattoos and wears loads of leather." I said with a small smile, my cheeks burning.

He let out a huge laugh, making me blush harder.

When he finally stopped laughing, his eyes still held humour. "I'm going to go upstairs to change. Tonight we having take-out for dinner. The menus are in the kitchen near the phone. Pick whatever you want and I'll be back in a few." He said, turning towards the stairs.

"Okay" I said loud enough for him to hear. I made my way to the kitchen, looking for the phone. I saw the menus before the phone. Snatching them up, I searched through the pile. There was Chinese, Indian, Italian and many others. I decided on a mushroom ravioli from one on the menus.

Edward appeared not long after. He sat on the counter, near where I was standing. I held out the menus for him to take. He took them, mumbling a quiet "thanks" and thumbed through the multicoloured pages.

"What are you having?" he asked, looking at me.

"Mushroom ravioli, please?" I said, but it came out more as a question.

"Was that a question or an answer?" He said with a smirk.

"Answer." I said, blushing.

"Okay then, go pick a movie and I'll order." He said smiling.

I nodded and went to the lounge. A huge stand of movies were to the right of the TV. I looked through them all, recognising most of them. I finally chose and put the disc into the DVD player and waited for the menu to come up. By this time the food was ordered and Edward was leaning on the door frame, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. "Edward Scissorhands?" He asked.

"Johnny Depp is yummy." I said shrugging, like it was obvious. "Plus, Tim Burton is a genius."

"Sure, he is." He said rolling his eyes, with a smile planted on his face.

We both took at a seat at opposite ends of the sofa. He was facing towards me with an intent look on his face.

"What's your favourite colour?" He asked randomly.

"Green." I said quickly without thinking it through. Internally cringing at how obvious I was. "What's yours?"

"Blue. What's your favourite book?"

"That's a difficult one. I would have to say Wuthering Heights. How about you?"

"Dracula."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm really a vampire. Sleep with one eye open." He said with a smirk.

"Be serious." I said, frowning.

"Don't be said. You'll get used to my amazing humour and come to love me."

I sat there in slight shock. The door bell rung and neither of us attempted to move. I look up at him. He gave me a wink and stood up to answer the door.

Edward paid the delivery man and took the food. After he awkwardly closed the door behind him, he took the food into the kitchen. I followed behind him.

"How can I help?" I asked.

"Um, grab some glasses from that cupboard." He said pointing to the correct one. "and grab a bottle of wine from there." He said point again.

"Yes sir." I said saluting him, with a giggle.

I grabbed two wine glasses from the cupboard, needing to go on tip toes to reach. Then I picked out a bottle of wine and poured some into each glass.

"Done. Do you want me to take them into the living room?" I asked, as he put the content of the packaging onto a plate.

"Yes please."

I took the bottle and the two glasses into the living room and put them onto the coffee table in the middle of the room. Edward walked in moments later with two plates of food. He handed me some cutlery and gave me the plate of ravioli. I sat on the sofa, on the opposite side to Edward.

"Mmm, it smells delicious. Thank you." I said truthfully.

"Your welcome. Thank you for the help."

"No problem, I don't like feeling useless."

Edward smiled and I smiled back.

"Movie?" He asked after a moment.

I nodded and lent forward to grab my glass of wine. I took a sip and placed it back on the table before eating.

He grabbed the remote and started the movie. He continued eating, watching the screen intently.

By the time both of us finished our meals, we were half way through the movie. Edward got up and took out the plates before returning to his seat.

We watched more of the movie when I started to feel my eyes drooping. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

* * *

I woke up, disorientated. I realised I was in a bedroom. I could of swore I fell asleep downstairs, on the sofa. How did I get here? I looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was just after 1am. The house was silent and I was still tired so I went back to sleep rather quickly.

When I awoke at a normal time. 8:15 to be exact. I went to the en-suite and had a shower, cleaned my teeth and made myself more presentable. I went to my suitcase and picked out some dark grey sweatpants and a dark purple tank top, opting for comfort since Edward would be at work.

I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. I looked in the fridge, finding some orange juice. I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured a glass, then placed the carton back in the fridge.

"Hello Bella." I heard a happy voice from behind me.

I turned to see Edward in a black suit, white shirt and a green tie. I think I may have gasped and by the grin on his face. Yes, I did. I looked towards the floor, and then I remembered what I was wearing. My cheeks filled with colour with embarrassment.

"Hi." I said quietly. "Sorry, I thought you'd be at work." I said gesturing to my outfit.

"I was just leaving. I'll see you later." He said picking up his phone from the counter. He then grabbed the mug of coffee which was by the kettle and quickly finished it, placing it in the dishwasher. Grabbing the last of his things he gave a final wave before leaving.

"Bye." I said, loud enough to be heard.

I heard the door shut and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Well that was a disaster." I mumbled, finishing the glass of orange juice and placing the glass next to his mug in the dishwasher.

I found some bread and put it in the toaster. Then I took some butter and jam out of the fridge and put it next to a plate I got out earlier. I found a knife just before the toast popped up. After I finished making the toast I brought the plate to the table. I ate slowly thinking of all the things that had happened recently. I wondered how Mike was doing. I wondered what would happen once Edward got home. I finished my toast and put the plate in the dishwasher. The dishwasher was full of the plates from last night so I found a dishwasher tablet in the cupboard under the sink and turned it on.

I didn't really know what to do during the day by myself. I did a range of different things. I read and watched some TV. I even made both of our beds. At around 3 o'clock, I decided to start making dinner. I found the steaks which had already been defrosted and found some potatoes in the larder. I seasoned the meat and potatoes before cooking.

Time flew by and before I knew it Edward was home. I heard the door before I saw him but as soon as the door shut he shouted out to me to let me know he was home.

"Hi, how was work?" I asked when he followed the smell to the kitchen.

"Mmm, smells delicious. Work was fine thank you. How was your day?"

"Not too bad. Didn't get up to much."

He gestured that he was going to go upstairs and change. I took the food out of the oven and turned it off. I placed the plates in the oven to warm up. I heard the shower turn on from upstairs. After a few moments I took the plates out. I didn't expect them to be as hot as they were so I quickly dropped it once it burnt my hand on impact. A loud crash was heard throughout the house and shards of the plate shattered across the floor.

Edward ran downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I burnt my hand and dropped the plate. I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It was just a plate." He said, reassuring me.

He opened a cupboard and got a dustpan and brush.

"Don't move. You might step on something." He said bending down to start picking up the large fragments.

"Okay."

He used the dustpan and brush to make sure no pieces were left. He got closer to my feet to finish cleaning up. The bristles on the brush tickled my feet and made me wiggle my toes. He chucked in response and did it again. Once everything was cleared up he emptied the pieces into the bin and turned back to face me.

"Thank you." I said with a small smile.

"Your welcome. Are you sure your okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I replied.

I grabbed another plate out of the cupboard and put it in the oven with the plate from before. The oven was drastically cooler than it was when I first put the plates in but I decided to use a dishtowel off the side to make sure I didn't burn my hands. I could feel Edward watching me. I put the plates on the side and put the food on it. I had covered the food earlier and that had helped to keep the food warm.

Once I had finished plating up, I grabbed both plates of food and took them into the dining room. I grabbed some cutlery and glasses before asking Edward to sit.

"What do you want to drink?" I asked.

"Water please." I took a large bottle of water out of the fridge and brought it to the table. I poured some water into both of out glasses before we started eating.

The atmosphere was relaxed and clam. He didn't force conversation and neither did I. It was just comfortable.

* * *

** Lots of reviews please? :)**

**Thank you for the support. **


	3. AN: SO SORRY

I'm so sorry for all of this.

I've never been someone to complete stuff voluntarily but I thought this would be different. I guess it's not. I haven't been in the right mind frame to write and to be honest I just really don't want to. I hope everyone doesn't hate me too much for this but I have decided to stop this story. If anyone would like to adopt it. Please let me know.

Thank you everyone for being so supportive throughout this mess.

I truly am sorry for all of this.

:)


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